JULY // A Month In Rearview

Oh, July, why did you have to go and make everything so difficult? 

I want to be the writer of cheery blog posts filled with the cool places I've visited and the fun things that I've done, but that's such an obscured view of the picture as a whole. The truth is, the last month has been tough 

The last few weeks in particular have looked a lot like the picture above - not in itself a bad thing (cookies and colouring books are never bad!), but a little less enjoyable when it feels enforced. Anxiety has become my prison guard and I've struggled to break out of the house, rarely venturing anywhere other than the hospital, my parents' house, or work. Work itself has been a battleground filled with sick days and sent-home-sobbing days and too many "time outs" shaking in the staff bathroom, struggling to breathe. Even when I do make it through a shift - all four measly hours of it - I'm left exhausted and I just don't have the "spoons" for anything else

The latter half of the month has been draining and lonely and it sucks.

If there's a positive to come of it though, it's been a reminder of how blessed I am to have a family who rally around and lend me their support, who sit with me and keep me company in my flat, who bring me food supplies and drive me home for snuggles with the cats and dog, who send me messages just to 'check-in' and lie with me on the hallway floor when I just can't get up; and to have a manager at work who "gets it" and tries to make things more bearable as best he can. I'm so grateful for that.

I'm grateful, too, for the simpler days at the start of the month - for that trip to the beautiful Loch Muick - and for the little things, like the Summertime Surprise Project, that shone a glimmer of light.

And heck, let's not completely write the month off! July was both my sister's birthday (peanut butter cake, anyone?) and my nephew's - he turned a whole 2 years old and we celebrated with a Peppa Pig-themed BBQ, complete with bouncy castle and vegan birthday cake.  What more could you hope for?!

To top it off, I spent a week in Spain at the start of the month, staying near Torrevieja on the Costa Blanca. With temperatures around 30C every day, it was a beautifully relaxed week of soaking up the sunshine, lounging by the pool and eating lots of ice-cream. We avoided busy places as far as possible and a week of limited interaction was, for the most part, a welcome reprieve from anxiety's suffocation. One thing I did venture out to do was a Stand-Up Paddleboarding lesson - something I've wanted to try for a long time and which I absolutely loved! So much fun.

This was my first visit to Spain (actually, my first trip to mainland Europe!), but I enjoyed the mountainous coastal scenery and the laid-back pace so much that I know it won't be my last. Maybe next time I'll feel a little bolder and able to explore some more.

Hey ho!

I hope July was a good month for everyone else.

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  1. Hi there, Laura - I'm very sorry to hear about your battles, but also very glad you have your family and kind workmates to support you. And you were able to get to Spain! Keep on going, and focus on the happy times. You are very brave. X