IN REARVIEW // December

December begins in a sunny place, both in country and inside my brain. I am in Spain when the month starts, finding comfort in the change of location; relishing the freedom of a momentary break. After a month of pushing myself - hard - it is a much needed opportunity to hit 'pause'; a chance to recharge and reset, ready to carry on once more. 

When I return, I jump back in with both feet: back to volunteering in the cafe; back to Spanish lessons; back to my psychology group. The month is a busy one - hectic - and I feel constantly rushed and unable to keep up, but it is a delight, as frantic as it may seem - a relief to be breathless with activity instead of suffocated by despair for once.  

It is quite the contrast to December of 2016. Gone are the hospitals, the nurses and one-to-one obs and I am so very grateful for the change. They have been replaced by cinema trips and markets; baby showers and Christmas meals; ice-cream and Instagram meets. I rejoice in the normality of Christmas preparations; in the average, ordinary tasks that fill my days. 

Almost seven months from referral, I receive word from a Psychologist and we meet to be assessed. After years of referrals and rejections, being pass-the-parceled from one department to the next, I have no idea what to expect. I feel like I need this to move forwards, but experience has made me fearful of hoping for the best. It comes as a pleasant surprise, then, when she agrees to work with me - tells me to come back next month; that she can see a number of areas to address. I cry with relief. It feels, at long last, like I might find a way to progress.

It's the perfect way to end the year - this little note of hope. As I gaze at the glow of twinkling trees, I am thankful for the light that has shone ever-brighter these last few months; as we gather together round tables and games, I am thankful for the family who have kept me encouraged and strong. As we prepare for the bells to chime, I am thankful for 2017 (both the good and the bad), but excited and hopeful - unfamiliarly hopeful! - for the year that's about to come.

Beet Vegetariano - Dec 2017
La Creme de la Crepe, Torrevieja - Dec 2017
Dude, Torrevieja - Dec 2017
Aberdeen snow - Dec 2017
Foodstory falafel board - Dec 2017
Haan market Aberdeen - Dec 2017
Christmas dinner - Dec 2017
Moray Mocha gin liqueur - Dec 2017
Golden retriever - Dec 2017

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